The chaotic rush of the holiday season has passed. Life has turned the page into the next chapter, a new year.
The spec-fic genres—fantasy, space opera, superhero, dystopian, and steampunk—are back, this time discussing the year ahead, and their resolutions for it.
Fantasy: Well my friends, we have survived another year. And what a year. One to be sung in songs and told in tales for generations to come.
Super: I thought it was epic, bro. Tons of fantastic movies. Lots of scenes showing buff dudes without their shirts. I appreciate it. We gotta rock the abs-and-biceps look for the viewers.
Steampunk: Honestly, do you think of nothing else?
Super: Course I do. Like how Dystopia is quiet and seems distraught.
Steampunk: What’s wrong, dear?
Dystopia: Everything. Life is so hard. Why does everything need to be difficult? Last year was like driving at 50 miles an hour down a highway full of potholes. I’m done. I deserve some crying time.
Space Opera (SO): It’s in the past, and there’s nothing you can do about it but keep your chin up and move on.
Fantasy: Yes, excellent advice. May I suggest we look ahead instead of looking behind? I find such practices well-suited to times such as this.
Super: Dude, did you take the “I wanna speak English in really complicated ways” class in high school? Wait, are you *in* high school?
Fantasy: I did not and I am not.
Dystopia: Guys, can you spare me some peace and quiet? I need to let my emotions out so I can feel better.
SO: I have a better idea.
Super: Ooohhh, smart guy.
SO: With age comes wisdom.
Super: And gray hair. Hey, does anyone else look in the mirror on New Year’s Day to see if they have more gray hair? I would, but I’m perfect and gray hair isn’t in my body’s vocabulary.
SO: My idea is—
Steampunk: Stop this idle chatter, everyone. You’re wasting our time. We’ve gathered to discuss our resolutions for this year, have we not?
Fantasy: Well said. That’s why I’m present.
Super: All right, all right. Sorry my charm is too bright. Dystopia, done with your pity party? Buck up, it’s a new year.
Dystopia (wiping eyes): Fine. I’m not over it, but whatever. Let’s talk about something else.
SO: I think explosions are a necessary ingredient in any New Year’s resolutions.
Steampunk: Heavens no. What sort of resolution is that? “Let’s blow things up because that solves all problems.”
Super: No worries. I’m here to fix any problems those space crazies throw out there. That’s a good resolution, come to think of it. I also need to work on my figure. Tone those abs, bulge those biceps, pop those pecs.
Dystopia: You’re so self-centered it’s disgusting. How about resolving to stop staring in the mirror, Narcissus, and think about other people for a change?
Super: I didn’t get that reference. Who’s this gnarly sissy? Is that even a word?
Dystopia: Shut up. You’re pathetic.
Fantasy: Please, I beg. Can we maintain an air of civility?
SO (whispering): When in doubt, blow something up.
Dystopia: You could also get an education, Super. Read up on some things or listen to an audiobook while you’re busting out reps at the gym.
Super: I like this idea. Goals for this year: improve education and beef up the buffness. Thanks little lady.
Dystopia: I think my goal should be to learn how to tolerate intolerable superheroes.
Super: Hey now, somebody’s gotta be the life of the party. And from what I’ve seen, this lot is underwhelmingly gifted in that area.
Fantasy: Moving along.
Super: You like moving along, don’t you? Probably comes from all that questing you do.
SO: By the planet Antar, man, what did you drink for your New Year’s toast?
Super: I’m a superhero, bro. Stuff like that doesn’t affect me. I’m just in a golly jolly good mood. Doesn’t everyone feel this way in January?
Steampunk (in a dry tone): Unlikely. If you’ll stop hogging all the dialogue space, I’d like to declare my resolutions.
Super: Go for it, honey.
Steampunk (after glaring at Super): My main goal is to get my name out in the creative community. I have a lot to offer, but people don’t appreciate my value like they should. I also want to make life an adventure.
Fantasy: Admirable goals, Steampunk. My desires for this year are to sacrifice more for others, maintain determination despite obstacles, and protect those who cannot protect themselves.
Dystopia: Wow. That’s…Good for you, man. I’m jealous. How do you do it?
Fantasy: It’s part of who I am. I can’t take full credit for it.
SO: And humble, too.
Super: Yeah, I could work on that. I have another thing to add. Bust the box office, baby. Totally gonna rock it this year.
Steampunk (with a knowing look to the others): Humility will be a long time coming, I should think.
Dystopia: No one’s perfect. Also, are we almost done?
Fantasy (nodding): I’m content with concluding.
SO: Before we end, I’ll toss in another resolution…to satisfy Miss Prim-and-Proper. *raises eyebrow at Steampunk* My resolution is to protect the galaxy from invaders, rogues, and any other villainy types.
Super: You and me both, buddy. Here’s to a new year, friends.
Which character has the best shot at keeping their resolutions? I’d love to hear your thoughts here or on social media.