The day of reckoning draws near.
Many noble characters have fallen and only four remain.
Who shall be crowned victor of the Character Clash?
Sam defeats Gandalf
The white wizard against the Shire gardener and bodyguard and Middle-earth hero? All eyes were fixed upon this matchup.
Truly Gandalf spoke wisely when he said not to underestimate hobbits. He experienced the hobbit heartiness himself when facing Sam. For perhaps the first time in his many millennia of life (how old are wizards, anyway?), Gandalf received a sound trouncing.
Gasp. Shock. #hobbitpower
Sam wasn’t very proud of himself. “It’s not right,” he told a flock of owl reporters. “Gandalf’s the wizard. I’m naught but a caretaker. Gandalf has a beard and a staff that glows and…and fireworks!”
Gandalf received the defeat with a wizardly huff and mutterings about how “those Shire-folk are always full of surprises.”
Sam apologized for winning, to which Gandalf replied, “Nonsense. You deserve it, lad. I always knew you were one of the best. Keep on, brave Samwise. There’s a reason you are loved, and it has nothing to do with your height or cooking prowess.”
Aragorn defeats Puddleglum
“I knew it was all a fluke.” So said Puddleglum after his loss to Aragorn. “I’m glad I didn’t set my hopes too high. The ones who do fall the hardest. And at my age and in my health, a fall would be the end of me, I shouldn’t wonder.”
Puddleglum fought bravely but in the end was no match for the rugged ranger turned king. Aragorn continued his march toward triumph, but as ever was humble in victory.
“The marshwiggle fought bravely and was a worthy opponent. More than that, I would count him a good friend to all who know him, and that is a gift beyond acclaim.”
In reply, Puddleglum offered this: “I have respect for that ranger from the north. A decent fellow to be sure. I won’t wish him luck. Don’t want to ruin his chances.”
Loki defeats Darth Vader
In a tooth-and-nail battle, two of the most loveable hateable rogues to ever plague the universe exchanged blow after blow.
Asgardian god against lord of the Empire.
Magical scepter against lightsaber.
Cunning against power.
As the duel drew toward its climax, the following exchange occurred.
DV: “I shall ruin you unless you yield.”
Loki: “Your mind is as small as your pitiful powers. Do you dare stand against me, the Lord of Asgard?”
Loki: “Try it, you masked idiot.”
DV: “Do not insult me. You play with fire.”
Loki: “I have always played with fire but you, my friend, are the one who will burn. A strange voice and queer glowing stick will not avail you.”
DV: “I find your lack of faith—”
Loki: “Yes, yes. So you keep saying. Personally, I find your lack of face disturbing.”
In the end, Loki’s schemes and charisma once again propelled him to the next round.
Afterward, it was reported that Vader received a personal invitation to join Iron Man’s ongoing cryfest at Stark Tower.
Han Solo defeats the 11th Doctor
Bow ties and fezzes couldn’t overcome the rebel-minded Han. ‘Twas an epic clash, TARDIS and Millennium Falcon streaking hither and yon. Frequent shouts of “Geronimo!!” came from one.
At one point, the Doctor tried to con Han into an eating contest: “Fish Fingers and Custard, friend. Last man—or charming alien—standing wins.”
Han refused, so the Doctor tried a new tactic.
“Fashion contest! Because who doesn’t love to see charming aliens—and men who don’t look too bad but could use a bit of an upgrade—decked out in their finest?”
Again, Han refused.
11: How about knickknacks and accessories? I claim the fez, bow-tie, and suspenders. You can have whatever it is you galactic rogues prefer. What do you say?
Han: I say, get out of my way, you half-crazed…I don’t even know what you are.
11: The question is not what, but Who?
Han: You are.
Han: No, YOU!
11: Yes, Who. Exactly. You catch on fast.
Han: What are you talking about?
11: Who, me?
Han: Yes, you weird devil.
11: Who. That’s what I’m talking about. Not you.
Han: I’m lost.
11: Sorry to hear that. Shall I take you for a spin in the old TARDIS? Anywhere you want in time or space.
Han: I’m done arguing with you.
11: Correction. Arguing with Who.
The Doctor’s best distraction efforts fell short, and Han blazed a path into the semifinals.
How It Works (in case you’re new or are like me and have a hard time remembering things) 😛
- Voting begins today and runs through Friday
- Voting will happen in the special Facebook group created for the tournament
- If you don’t have Facebook (don’t worry, I won’t judge…mostly), you can vote here in the comments
- You can vote for every matchup
- A new round begins every Monday
- The winner of each bracket will meet in the final to determine the champion
- The more the merrier, so spread the word on social media
Who do you think will make it to the Character Clash final? I’d love to hear your thoughts here or on social media.