I debated on whether to share this document from the Archive.
In the end, I decided its circulation would be a blow to villains everywhere. Now that their secrets are out, heroes will be able to use this information to fight against the villains they face.
The handbook is longer than a dragon’s tail, so I condensed it down to the key points because all the things always and no time ever.
The Layman’s Guide to World Domination
Written by various infamous, nefarious, and all-around nasty folk.
The shrewd reader may wonder why we would divulge secrets that could unseat us from the places of power we have long fought to maintain, but rest assured this is far from our biggest concern.
History dictates that empires rise and fall. Though as selfish and greedy as the next scoundrel, we would rather disclose our strategies to kindred spirits than risk letting heroes dominate the world, for that would be an utter disgrace to our proud heritage.
While it is impossible to cover every aspect of proper villainy, we compiled a list of techniques and tactics to employ in nefarious undertakings.
Point 1: Greed, selfishness, reckless ambition, and a heartless attitude are paramount to any world domination mission. The insignificant person must be squashed underfoot, the rebellious person tamed, the potential competition brought beneath your unbending rule.
Point 2: Never, under any circumstances, hire underlings who are more competent than yourself. They must exhibit unmatched skill while possessing nothing more than rudimentary faculties.
Point 3: Understand the uses of deception. Cloaking your master plan beneath the guise of a corporation, philanthropic endeavor, or general goodwill toward the betterment of humanity will guarantee your schemes will go unnoticed. If, however, such an approach is not reasonable, all-out tyranny is acceptable.
Point 4: Exercise your vocal chords to enhance the power of your voice. This may seem a trivial endeavor, but do not underestimate the necessity of a commanding tone.
Point 5: Use bombs.
Point 6: Display a trustworthy character, one so soft and favorable that the people do not feel the cold steel slipping over their wrists until the handcuffs have snapped shut. Yet maintain an air that encourages them. The handcuffs are not restraints, but protection.
Point 7: Alternate to the point about: coercion, coercion, coercion.
Point 8: Ensure your minion horde is vast. Many will die, and preparation is key to victory. Keep in mind that they are your servants. Treat them as expendable tools.
Point 9: Choose your clothing style with care. It must accomplish several things. First, to reflect your unique personality. Second, to instill fear in the hearts of those who oppose you. Third, to appear stylish and dominant before your subjects. And finally, to offer contrast to the apparel of the hero, which clearly designates your role.
Point 11: Accustom your body to needing less and less sleep. The more power you obtain and the larger your grow your empire, the more work it will take and the less time you will have for life’s comforts.
Point 12: Learn to delegate (see point above). However, be wary in whom you place your trust. Select only those who are capable yet loyal, for insurrection from within will destroy your efforts.
Point 14: Avoid engaging in battle with the hero until the last possible moment. There is a reason they are heroes. You must be fully prepared to face them ere you seek to bring about their demise.
Point 15: Select a memorable, villainous name or title. Remember, generations to come will know you by this name. Settle for nothing short of the best.
We hope you have found these points helpful in creating a framework from which you can build. Best of success in creating your empire.
What are some other keys to world domination success? I’d love to hear your thoughts here or on social media.