If Modern Characters Went on a Fantasy Quest

Modern characters are spoiled.

All the amenities, the privileges, the comfy life provided by residing in a modern world surrounded by modern stuff.

Makes you wonder, how would they survive if plucked out of a modern cocoon and plopped down in a fantasy world?

If they had to go on a quest?

Like, in a not modern setting.

Feigning happiness while watching for orcs.

*evil chuckle, rubbing of hands, and many “mwahahaha’s”*

They shall remain nameless because in truth, I don’t really know who they are. Just a general blob of typical modern characters. Shhhh, don’t tell anyone.

Anyway. It’s time to put this nameless lot to the test. Most interesting would be how they handle the stress of a fantasy quest. Behold, real life snippets of conversation overhead from modern characters on a fantasy quest.

**Though not really real life. Cuz imaginary.**

Modern Characters on a Quest

“Lila, you forgot your backpack? You know you needed that. We’re going into the *wilderness* not on a shopping trip to the mall.”


“Follow the Yellow Brick Road!”


“Stop it! You’ve been saying that for the last two miles. There. Is. No. Yellow. Brick. Road. This isn’t Wizard of Oz. And we’re not going to Kansas.”


“I forgot my pocket handkerchief, just like Bilbo!”

“You don’t have a pocket handkerchief…”

“Yeah, because I forgot it.”

“Never mind.”



“My iPhone’s battery is at five percent. Where’s the nearest outlet?”


“Wait…you mean we have to sleep on the ground?!” *voice rising*


“Man, every step I take, I become more and more thankful for Henry Ford. How do those fantasy people do it day after day? It’s been a mile and I already feel ready to die.”



“Siri, where’s the nearest Starbucks?”

“Invalid question.”

“But I’m gonna die without my coffee.”

“It is customary on a trek by foot to make your own coffee, using the equipment and ingredients you remembered to pack.”



*in shrill voice* “I don’t want my backpack to be my house! What about my nail polish and extra shoes and changes of clothes and perfume and laptop and iPad?”


“I’ve had one question on my mind the past eight days: how did hobbits survive without Dr. Scholl’s?”


“Can we eat now?”

“It’s not noon yet. That’s when sensible people always eat on quests.”

“C’mon, I’m dying of hunger.”

“Danny, have you looked around? There are no stores out here. Do you really want to start exhausting your food supply already?”

“Dang it. I never realized how much I take Walmart for granted.”



“Madison, what are you doing with that stick?”

“Carving a walking staff. Like Gandalf had.”

“That was his wizard’s staff. He didn’t use it just for walking.”

“Sweet! Maybe that means mine will do the cool things his does.”


“Oh to be Flash or Superman right now. This walking is killing my legs. And feet. And everything.”


“Why is there no data out here? How will I call my parents if something happens? What if Jacob texts me back?”

“Dude. We’re on a quest. That means your parents are supposed to be dead. And who’s Jacob, your old wrinkly mentor person?”

“Geez, thanks for the encouragement, Samwise. Go cook some taters now. Oh wait…no food. Man, this sucks.”


“So cool! We’re on a quest. This pic’s going on Instagram. And this one. And this one! #adventuring #likeahobbit #nature #beauty #nofilter.”

“How about #thunderstormincoming? Run for the trees!”


“I hate the outdoors. No walls, no hair product, no beanbag chairs, no Facebook.”



“This is totes going on my Snapchat story!”


⇒ What are some other ways modern characters may react during a fantasy quest?

⇒ How do you think *you* would fare on a quest?


If Modern Characters Went on a Fantasy Quest — 16 Comments

  1. Hahahaha!! I love it!! This just about killed me ~> “That was his wizard’s staff. He didn’t use it just for walking.” “Sweet! Maybe that means mine will do the cool things his does.” XD

    I wonder how I would fair on a fantasy quest…Probably not well. I would be so sad without my laptop. XD

    • YAY! Glad you enjoyed it, Madeline. 😀

      Yeah, same here. I don’t think I’d get along very well with a quest.

  2. My concern would be the lack of flushing toilets. I won’t even camp without flush toilets and showers nearby.

  3. As some who does a little bit of hiking and camping, I’d probably survive more than a day. But mot much more, because it’s still only a little.

    I had actually been meaning to writing something about fantasy books and modern conveniences. We’re so blessed, yet so entitled. I’m not sure it really makes as happier.

    I have an idea that there were people centuries ago who wouldn’t have coped with all the walking that well either. There wouldn’t be technology withdrawal, but even if you’re strong, walking is its own kind of tedious.

    • Yes, it’s easy to take for granted all the privileges we enjoy. And with that, when reading a quest story I often find myself not thinking about how truly difficult that must be for the characters. It’s just something they do, because they’re in the book and they’re awesome.

      Yeah, I imagine walking that far would be a pain (literally) even centuries ago. Though it just popped into my head that people did that back in the 1800s, heading out west on the Oregon Trail etc. (granted that included riding horses and/or in the wagon, but still lots of walking).

  4. Well ME on a fantasy quest would be great…😂 Because I would need snacks like 5mins in and 35mins in I would need to be carried.😂 So basically I’d be dead on page 5?!? Bahahha. And solar panels on your backpack! That’ll help with the iPhone issue, so one can still google how to use a sword to kill goblins. :’)

    • Hahaha, that’s quite the reversal of the typical fantasy cliché, so you have that going for you. 😛

      Solar panels…brilliant idea! Because you’re right. How would modern characters survive all the intricacies of a quest without Google?

  5. I would be okay for a while. Especially if I had a horse because horseback riding > walking. I don’t LOVE camping, but I enjoy it… and I do love hiking. I don’t think I’d be dead by page 5.

    Having never had any self-defense training, however, I do think I’d be one of the first to die should we come up against a villain. You definitely need to do a follow-up post on how these modern-day characters would fare against fantasy villains once they showed up!

    A friend gave me a great idea for if I’m ever out in the wilderness and trapped and nobody knows where I am and I have no cell-service or limited battery… change my voicemail so that it gives a description of where I am and the level of distress I’m in, then turn off the phone. (Unfortunately, while this is a fabulous theory, I am not sure I would be able to figure out HOW to change my voicemail before the battery died) LOL

    • Having horses would definitely improve the sitaution…unless of course you loathe riding them or are terrified of them.

      Ooohhhh, follow-up post! Great idea, Jenelle. I’m totally going to do that next week! 😀

      Whoa, that’s quite the piece of advice. I never would have thought of that, but it makes a lot of sense. 😮 However, I think I’m with you and probably couldn’t figure it out before my phone died.

  6. This is wonderful! Thank you!

    How would I fare? I’d either come through against all odds like Samwise or I’d be one of the first ones to die of disease or fell creature (I’m the person you bring when you need someone to outrun so you don’t get eaten :P).

  7. Ow. 😛 Poor people. XD The # part was my favorite. XD It WOULD be an epic picture experience!!!

    I’d like to think I’d fair pretty okay… But one never knows how one would ACTUALLY react to something. 😉 We are blessed to have showers etc.. 😀 But on the flip side fantasy streams are always perfect for drinking and playing in (unless you’re in Mordor) so that would be fun. 🙂
    I would miss pizza and ice cream and books though.

    Being able to sleep in might be something people miss because sleeping outside = having to get up with the sun.

    • If you could figure out how to keep your phone charged the entire time, imagine all the amazing pics you’d have! 😀

      Very true that we can’t know what would actually happen. Showers…yeah. Those are kinda important, and yes, gotta love the sparkling streams.

      Ouch, I feel your pain, especially on the books. And I hadn’t even thought about not being able to sleep in, which is something I thoroughly enjoy, so… 😮

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