The age of elves, dwarves, and men has passed. The time has come for hobbits to rule the fate of all.
It has long been suspected that, as one of the original great races (some may wish to debate hobbit greatness, but fie upon their ignorance!), hobbits would one day come into power. How could they not, with such big hearts and bigger appetites?
Behold, the glorious time of the halflings has dawned. Beyond the haughty wisdom of elves, the greedy labor of dwarves, and the selfish cunning of men, a new age has come.
A World Ruled by Hobbits
It is a world where houses are suddenly too big, unfit for those in authority. Snug homes with dangerously low ceilings spring up. Their architecture favors round shapes.
Gone is the meaningless toil of previous generations. Replacing it—hard, honest work. So too, the great industrial empires slowly crumble like time-worn statues, giving way to agriculture. After all, hobbits have a fondness for budding plants and rich soil.
The complexity of life fades, an endless knot slowly unwinding. The systems, the bureaucracy, the bombardment of information and regulations disappear, replaced by hobbit-type alternatives. Simple, honest, down-to-earth.
Happy hour is mandated as an option every day.
Standard clothing sizes around the globe are altered to reflect the tastes of the new—and rather vertically challenged—regime.
To honor its hobbit founder, golf becomes the international game of choice. Cabbage growing ranks a close second.
Naming trends change drastically. No longer do human preferences take precedent. Naturally, this affects the naming patterns of snowstorms and hurricanes in North America.
Birthday traditions are forever switched. Instead of expecting to receive presents, people anticipate what gifts they will give. The adjustment is slow and painful, especially for the young ones of the population.
Across the lands, the number of restaurants, pubs, diners, and other eating venues multiply exponentially. Rumors suggest the hobbits have decreed the necessity of sumptuous food for all.
Popular fashion is overrun with the waistcoat trend. Pocket handkerchiefs not included.
The entire structure of the Olympic Games shifts. Rather than sports requiring skill and strength, the Games feature random disciplines involving gardening, eating, and drinking. By far, the most popular competition is the Elf and Dwarf contest, named in honor of Legolas and Gimli when they sought to outdo one another’s drinking capacity in Edoras.
Museums become flooded with hobbitish relics and artifacts soaked in Shire-inspired history.
Rings are banished, per special request.
Technology—phones, television, computers, etc.—loses relevance. Children begin to play outdoors again. Social media, though still used, undergoes massive transformation and fails to maintain its iron grip on the population at large.
Silverware becomes a highly valued household item.
Criminal activity decreases, but those who still engage in such devilry feel the swift yet appropriate justice of the hobbits.
The pastime of pipe smoking vaults from obscurity into an international phenomenon. Clubs are formed, annual festivals spring up, and pipe craftsmen become the new engineers.
Shoe companies go out of business.
With the hobbit inclination to have lots of children, their population expands more rapidly than a family of Catholic rabbits. It isn’t long before they’re the dominant race.
September 22 is declared an international holiday. A day set aside for feasting and merriment. For obvious reasons.
Tomorrow is important.
Besides being the first day of fall (HOOOORRAAAYYY!!), it also marks Hobbit Day. That infamous date on which two certain members of the Baggins family entered the world. *cheers, chocolate cupcakes, sparklers, and mugs of warm apple cider*
Confession time: I honestly didn’t know this was a thing until a few years ago.
I wanted to do something different, something distinctly hobbit-focused, in honor of the day. What better way to commemorate the occasion than by looking at a world ruled by hobbits? (And internally narrated by Galadriel… #winning.)
Have you done something special to celebrate Hobbit Day in the past?
⇒ What do you think would change if hobbits ruled the world?