As we bid adieu to 2015 and look forward to a new year of possibilities and opportunities, our minds turn to that time-honored tradition of setting ourselves up for failure.
Whoops, I meant New Year’s Resolutions. 😉
Regardless of your stance—do them, don’t bother, think they’re stupid—modern society loves the idea of setting goals to accomplish, and the first day in January is a good jump-off point. We can leave behind the baggage of the prior year and look ahead with bright-eyed anticipation to the future.
As a geek, maybe your resolution is to watch every Marvel movie in theaters, or attend a comic con for the first time, or read fifty books this year. (All great ideas, by the way.) Almost everyone wants to improve on or do something in the coming year.
What if we asked this question of fictional characters? What sort goals would they make? Here’s a list of New Year’s resolutions from fantasy characters.
Pippin
- Annoy Gandalf as much as possible without getting into any serious trouble
- Indulge in a pint of beer or three every night
- Avoid a hard day’s work as often as possible
- Enjoy life to the fullest
- Work to make “Pippin Christmas” the official phrase for next Christmas
Harry Potter
- Turn Dudley into a puffer fish
- Show up Malfoy in a Quidditch match
- Save himself, his friends, and Hogwarts…again
- Save enough money to buy the newest broom model
- Spend as little time with the Dursleys as humanly possible
Gandalf
- Do a better job of keeping temper in check
- Buy a new collection of pipes
- Interact with hobbits more frequently
- Travel
- Track down the names of the infamous “other” two wizards
Mat Cauthon
- Be a thorn in the side of every Aes Sedai
- Gamble every night
- Look for pretty girls
- Win at least 35 games of dice a week
- More fully develop irresponsible tendencies
Lucy Pevensie
- Find a way back into Narnia
- Maintain a sense of childlike wonder
- Learn more about the real Aslan
- Become more loving
- Write down Narnian adventures in a journal to relive them over and over
Hermione Granger
- Read 582 books
- Pass every class with an A+
- Write a thesis analyzing the importance of Shrakes to the ecosystem of the Atlantic Ocean
- Never get in trouble for disobeying the rules
- Master 39 new spells
Gollum
- Find the Preciousss that nasssty Bagginses stole
- Eat fishess
- Keep the Preciousss safe
- Use power of the Preciousss to rule the commercial fissshing industry
- Play more riddle gameses
Bilbo Baggins
- Get away from nosy neighbors
- Keep a pocket handkerchief in every waistcoat as a precaution
- Write a book
- Use fondness of adventure to spur new travels
- Hang out with the elves
Eragon
- Spend time with Arya
- Improve leadership skills
- Spend time with Arya
- Work on becoming more mature
- Spend time with Arya
The White Witch
- Add to collection of statues
- Keep Father Christmas from entering
- Develop a more thorough distrust of people
- Let it snow! Let is snow! Let is snow!
- Enhance tyrannical dictator skills
Which list was your favorite? Are there any resolutions you would add? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
