Today’s guest on Pop Culture Q&A is known across many times and galaxies. His notable claims to fame include the following:

• Unparalleled logic
• Interaction with a younger version of himself
• Green blood
• The ability to make people unconscious by pinching a shoulder
• Pointy ears

Of course, I’m speaking of the admirable second-in-command of the U.S.S. Enterprise, the unflappable Spock.

Last week, Star Trek celebrated its 50^th anniversary. Interviewing Spock today was the only logical conclusion I could reach.

Pop Culture Q&A with Spock

Me: This is the first time I’ve interviewed someone from another planet. It’s truly a pleasure to have you here, Spock.

Spock: Pleasure is a human emotion. However, as I am half human, I will say that I am happy to be here and participate in this questionnaire.

Me: It’s not so much a questionnaire as me asking casual questions—no right or wrong answers—about pop culture.

Spock: I do not understand your reasoning. Every question has a right or wrong answer.

Me: Maybe…Methinks these are questions of a variety you’ve never seen before.

Spock: What type of variety do you speak? Do you wish to compare them, perhaps, to the variety found in the animal kingdom of Earth?

Me: Not really. Why don’t we get started and you can use your reasoning to figure it out as we go?

Spock: To suggest I would not use my reasoning, no matter the situation, is a faulty assumption.

Me: I’m not surprised. First off, where do you stand on the debate between Star Wars and Star Trek. Which is better?

Spock: I cannot accurately answer your question, as I am currently sitting. However, given the widespread appeal and passionate fan base, it’s reasonable to conclude that Star Wars presents a more favorable argument.

Me: No, I mean, which one is better in your opinion, regardless of what other people think?

Spock: Given the data I’ve seen in brief passing on sites such as Internet Movie Database, I would choose Star Wars.

Me: Hmm, that’s a bit of a surprise. Keeping with this theme, who would say is a better captain: Kirk, Picard, or Han Solo?

Spock: I have always been drawn to the levelheaded, peaceful approach employed by Captain Picard.

Me: Got it. I can see where you’d get that. Which star country singer, while we’re on the subject of captains, would be most suited to pilot the TARDIS?

Spock: Based upon their intrinsic or extrinsic characteristics?

Me: Either? Both? I don’t care.

Spock (after some deliberation): I believe this question is designed to be unanswerable, yet if forced to make a selection, I would choose Kenny Chesney.

Me: I’m not even going to ask why.

Spock: I could provide a—

Me: It’s not necessary. Really. Now, this next question is based on a hypothetical situation. It doesn’t exist, but bear with me. Imagine a solar system where every major pop star from this year, 2016, ran their own planet. Which one would you visit?

Spock: Indeed, that is an irrational proposition. However, to abide by your wishes for this interview, I will provide an answer, one which I hope is satisfactory. I would visit Planet Katy Perry.

Me (eyes wide): Okay, now I have to ask…why?

Spock: There is no reason. It was an illogical question and therefore warranted an illogical answer.

Me (with a sigh): Fair enough. Pick one character from a book who you identify with, for whatever reason.

Spock: Eustace Clarence Scrubb. Because he read books of information.

Me: Aha. Well then, pick one character you decidedly don’t identify with.

Spock: Katniss Everdeen. Her behavior is driven by irrational peaks and valleys of emotion.

Me: Well, that’s the truth. Good answer. Now, I know this isn’t true, but suppose you were the enemy in an action movie. Who would you choose as the hero to oppose you?

Spock: It would depend upon a number of variables, which, judging from the direction of our conversation to this point, you will not supply, instead wishing me to *slightly sarcastic tone* use my imagination. That being the case, I would select Tom Cruise.

Me: Fascinating.

Spock (raising eyebrow): Fascinating.

Me: Okaaay, let’s move on to the final few questions. What are, respectively, the worst and best endings to movies you’ve seen?

Spock: Again, I lack adequate data to sufficiently answer the question at hand. However, I will make my best attempt. The worst ending would unquestionably be Inception. The best ending, I give to The Prestige.

Me: Not what I would have chosen, but I loved both those movies. You might find this next one tricky, but I’m going to ask it anyway because I really curious to hear your answer. What’s the best ship name you can come up with for a couple in a dystopian series?

Spock (raising eyebrow): A ship name? I’m not familiar with this term. Perhaps it is unique to this specific time period in Earth’s history, surrounded and defined by a cultural context of which I am unaware?

Me: Pretty much, yeah. I’ll explain. A ship name combines the first names of two romantically involved characters. For example, in Lord of the Rings, the ship name for Aragorn and Arwen could Aragwen.

Spock: I see. *steeples fingers and taps them together* I’m unpracticed in this particular discipline, but here is, to use a human phrase, “my best shot.” Given the overwhelming popularity of The Hunger Games, it seems wise to make my selection from that fictional narrative. My name for Katniss and Peeta would be Keeta.

Me: Good job. After that doozy, we’ll end with an easy one. Relatively speaking. Batman and Jason Bourne have a hand-to-hand fight. Who wins?

Spock: Jason Bourne. His training is more advanced and he has shown his skill by defeating numerous opponents far more deadly—trained weapons in human form, as it were—than Batman fought on a consistent basis.

Me: That, my friend, was a logical answer. I like it. I also loved have you here. Great stuff.

Spock: Your hospitality in inviting me is much appreciated. Live long and prosper.

Now a question for you! Do you think Spock would rather study the inner workings of the TARDIS or wax eloquent on all the ways modern movies are illogical? I’d love to hear your thoughts here or on social media.