Imagine what it would be like to apply for the role of a fictional character. Since it’s Fantasy Friday, it’s only fitting we take a look at none other than the famous—or infamous, depending on your view—fantasy hero.

How would such a person fill out a résumé for the position of fantasy hero? What would it include? Thanks to the endless artifacts provided by the Archive, we can get a glimpse into the process.

Fantasy Hero Résumé

Objective

In a strange way, my objective is paradoxical. Deep down, I don’t want to don the cloak of hero. I’m content to spend my years living in my small corner of the world, blissfully unaware of the happenings around me.

Yet since it’s destined to be (according to some ancient, forgotten-but-now-conveniently-rediscovered-prophecy), it’s my unwilling objective to step into the boots of hero. After all, if I don’t do it, who will?

Education

• Farming
• Hunting
• Visiting the market every week
• Basic reading and writing

Qualifications

• I’m not a very good fighter, either with my fists or with weapons. However, I’ve heard that glaring combat inexperience is a bonus.
• I possess a robust amount of determination and perseverance.
• I give off an unsuspecting impression, which means the enemy will underestimate me.
• I’d really rather not be a hero, making me a perfect candidate for destiny’s demands.
• I have plenty of stamina, good for trekking long distances.
• I get along with men who have gray hair and beards.
• I’m not allergic to campfire or pipe smoke.
• I’m a willing and fast learner.
• I’ve always wanted the opportunity to rescue a damsel in distress.
• I probably have some inherent, dormant talent I’m unaware of but that gives me a special advantage.
• I have an accurate mental compass so I’m unlikely to get lost.
• Due to my ordinary and plain appearance, I can blend into my surroundings.
• I’ve been gifted with the unswerving conviction that destiny cannot be denied, and that somehow I will succeed on whatever undertaking I’m sent. In other words, I believe in “happily ever after.”
• I’m not afraid of battles, dark nights in the forest, strange towns, or whatever unsavory creatures the enemy may command.
• I get along with people rather well.
• I enjoy the simple things in life. I don’t know if that’s applicable or not, but I suspect it indicates I’m not at risk for being caught up in power struggles that may adversely affect my mission.
• I’m not greedy or selfish…most of the time.
• I like the outdoors.
• My simplistic and rural upbringing will lead to a satisfactory amount of awe and amazement as I see the incredible sights the world has to offer.
• I’ve always liked saving people.
• I have several internal and external flaws, making me more relatable and “real.”
• I also have a number of heroic attributes.

Experience

• Plowing fields
• Hunting in the woods
• Dealing with bad-tempered townsfolk
• I know none of those relate to the job requirements in question, but I something I didn’t mention is that I can speak bird, and a little bird told me that somehow, it wouldn’t matter.

References

• You can ask my parents—if they survive until you get here
• My best friend
• The prophecies (which for some baffling reason sometimes know more about me than I do)

If you were applying for the position of fantasy hero, what would you put on your résumé? I’d love to hear your thoughts.