What would it feel like to be a character in a book?

Most of us have imagined ourselves in the shoes (or hobbit feet) of our favorite character.

• The undaunted hero as he saves the day
• The witty sidekick who loves to have fun and inevitably get into trouble
• The romantic interest
• Perhaps *GASP* the villain

Memorable characters draw us into the story. We become invested in their lives—likes, dislikes, fears, goals, dreams.

But apart from their on-page appearances, what does the life of a book character look like? Is it all we make it out to be?

Let’s have a character tell us about it.

The Dangers of Being a Book Character

Hello, reader, my name is Torak.

Actually, it’s not. That’s one of the problems with being a character. You start out with a blank slate, nothing more than a white piece of paper. Gradually, the Keyboard Master (who I’ll refer to as KM) adds color and life to the paper.

Early on, KM settles on a name. A solid, comfortable name. Like Torak. You begin to adjust to this new designation, growing more familiar with it as the days pass. It becomes part of you.

But wait. KM has a problem. He decides for some unexplained reason that your perfect name is no longer perfect and WHAM! Suddenly you’re someone else. Still you, but not. Part of your identity has been ripped away, replaced with one that’s foreign.

It’s quite jarring. As if a carton of vanilla ice cream woke up one day and was chocolate. Or a snake shed its skin only to discover it was a lizard underneath.

Authors are fickle creatures, and who pays the price for that? Yours truly (and my fellow character compatriots). You hesitate to become too comfortable with any details on that piece of paper because KM has an alarming fondness for using the Pink Rubber Lump of Doom.

Life becomes a delicate balance as you walk along a knife’s edge, doing your best not to upset the natural balance of the world. Such as offending KM. Or taking a vacation.

Speaking of vacations, that’s a significant downer of this life. KM is demanding like you wouldn’t believe. You’re always on-call, a dutiful soldier ready to be summoned to the Field of Manuscript for whatever battle happens to be on the schedule that day.

No breaks.

No time off.

Sure, KM might take you out to coffee or conduct an interview, but really? For all we suffer, we deserve better. Except Darg—who used to have a different name, but for once I agree with KM. This one fits him better. He’s the scum of the lot.

One time, he…

Actually, that’s classified. If I tell, KM will have my head.

I hope KM has something particularly uncomfortable planned for Darg. I have to put up with him because as a character, you have no control over who rooms with you at Work-in-Progress Resort. KM sits there and randomly plops people into your life. Some you love, some you’re indifferent to, some you hate.

Back to security issues and fellow characters, you have the problem of unexpected disappearances. One day they’ll be filed in their hotel room, behind a door covered in sticky notes. The next, POOF.

What happened? We never find out, and that’s send the creeps up my back. What if I’m next?

Us characters never know what our fate will be. Picture this conversation:

Me: Have you seen Dramin lately?

Irala (still waiting for her name change…): I heard a rumor. He went walking down Chapter Five lane past the pond and was unexpectedly eaten by a Gunden-beast.

Me: Wait. What’s a Gunden-beast?

Irala: I have no idea, but I’m pretty sure Dramin is gone.

Me: Huh. I wonder why. Last I heard, he was on good terms with KM, and I liked him, too.

See what I mean? No routine, no safety, no peace to life. We’re at the mercy of KM, and in case you didn’t know, KM is a highly unique—and that’s a nice word for it—individual.

Borderline psycho at times.

Coffee addict.

Constantly mumbles to no one.

Too creative for his own good.

Too willing to “experiment” with ideas for our own good.

Loves to roam through the WIP Resort at random hours, asking questions and scribbling everything down in a battered notebook. If we’re not careful, we might end up like poor Dramin.

The worst is when you’re trying to sleep and KM storms in, disrupting the happy dream you were having about shoving Darg off a cliff, because “research.”

I could go on all day, but I need to behave or KM might give me a firsthand look at that Gunden-beast, and not in a good way.

As it is, I’d rather stay alive.

What would be the worst part of being a book character? I’d love to hear your thoughts.