Around the country, turkeys tremble, ingredients for pumpkin pie stock cupboards, and the giant balloons and floats undergo final preparations ahead of Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

Welcome to the Thanksgiving edition of Pop Culture Q&A. If you’re thinking, “Did you lose your glasses and misread the calendar? Today’s not Thanksgiving.”

Nope, I didn’t. I hopped in the TARDIS and skipped forward in time. Greetings from the future, earthlings. 😉

Juuusst kidding.

The real truth is, who wants to post on a holiday when stuffing and football, family and friends call? Aka, I’m taking next Thursday off, which explains the present wibbly-wobbly-ness.

Escaping out of that rabbit hole (because my name isn’t Alice so I can get away with such things), it’s time to introduce a guy with no face. Actually, he has a face—behind a mask.

And his breathing sounds like the hiss-hiss of a clothing iron.

That’s right. Darth Vader has deigned to visit for an interview.

via GIPHY

Thanksgiving-Themed Pop Culture Q&A with Darth Vader

Me: I know you’re a busy man, Darth, so I appreciate you taking the time to do this.

DV: I’m always busy. It’s the nature of overseeing a vast, prosperous empire.

Me: A lifestyle I know nothing about. However, Thanksgiving is something I know plenty about. That’s the theme for this interview. I hope that’s all right?

DV: If it must be.

Me: Gotcha. Let’s press on. I promise to make it as entertaining as possible.

DV: Entertainment is a waste.

Me: Well…that will make this. Ahem. Interesting. Let’s start off with a traditional, hopefully safe question. *scans Darth for any signs of a lightsaber* Who’s your favorite football team to watch on Thanksgiving?

DV: The Lions. They symbolize fierceness and domination, both of which I strive after in my own life.

Me: Okay, I’ll take that. Still on the topic of football, if you could choose one singer to do the national anthem, who would you pick?

DV: Rihanna.

Me: Interesting selection. To each his own, I suppose. Let’s imagine for a minute…

DV: I don’t imagine things. Fancies are useless and trite.

Me (getting nervous): Can you play along just this once?

DV: No man holds power over me. But at your insistence, I will choose to agree.

Me: Whew. Good. As I was saying, imagine you can invite five celebrities over to have Thanksgiving dinner. Who makes the guest list?

DV: Taylor Swift, Robert Downey Jr., Kanye West, Alton Brown, and Jennifer Lawrence.

Me: That makes for quite the party. Alton Brown’s a surprise, but it makes sense. Thanksgiving, food, chef. Jumping into books for minute, what’s your favorite fictional holiday?

DV: I don’t have one. Holidays hold little interest to me.

Me: Hmm, sounds like you could use a Snickers bar.

DV (with a frown in his voice, because expression…mask…yeah): Snickers…are you insulting me?

Me: No, not at all. Inside joke. Forget I ever said it. If you don’t have a favorite holiday, perhaps a favorite food from fiction?

DV: Turkish Delight. It’s hypnotic powers are impressive and something I appreciate.

Me: Methinks you and Jadis would get along swimmingly. Despite the opposite preferences in clothing color. I know this isn’t directly related to Thanksgiving—well, actually it kinda is. Lots of people write poems for Thanksgiving. What’s a favorite poem from a book?

DV: Poems are a waste of time. Yet there is one I can tolerate. From Lord of the Rings, the inscription on the One Ring.

Me: No surprise there, on either account. Now for a fun question. How would you describe each main Thanksgiving dish using a fictional character? For example, Gandalf would be the mashed potatoes. They’re white, he’s white, and so on.

DV: This seems a useless exercise.

Me: I’m trying to keep things lighthearted.

DV (sighing…or is it the hiss-hiss?): Only this once.

• First, I’ll steal yours. Gandalf is the mashed potatoes.
• Harry Potter is the Turkey.
• Katniss Everdeen is the pumpkin pie.
• Jean Luc Picard is the whipped cream.
• Dumbledore is the gravy.
• Gimli is the stuffing.
• Lucy Pevensie is the cream corn.

Me: Hahaha, that’s great. And it wasn’t too bad, right? Okay, don’t answer that. Let’s move on. After Thanksgiving, people shift into Christmas mode. What singer would you like to hear do a Christmas album?

DV: Not a singer, a group. Pentatonix.

Me: Ooohhh, yes. I approve of this. They’re an amazing group. Okay, we’re almost done, I promise. Which TV personality would make the best balloon for the Macy’s Parade?

DV: Tom Cruise. It would be amusing to watch all the women swoon as his bigger-than-life image drifted past.

Me (holding in laughter): Love it. Maybe one day we’ll get to see that. For the final question, we’re going to leave the pop culture part out. We’ve established you’re not fond of holidays. Are there any you like?

DV: Only one. Black Friday.

What Thanksgiving dish best describes your favorite character? I’d love to hear your thoughts here or on social media.