In a thick forest, at the time of day when the gray shadows of dusk are spreading and the world seems to hold its breath, the ground trembles and the air pulses with the arrival of three unexpected guests.

[Enter Iron Man, Captain America, and Thor]

Thor: To what does the forest and myself owe your presence here, gentlemen?

Cap: Tis a fair night, and I thought to clear my mind over the looming threat by breathing the pine-scented air and reveling in the peaceful stillness of the forest.

Tony [to Cap]: A night for Shakespeare in the park, I say. ‘Tis true, judging by the red drapery cast about our gold-headed friend’s shoulders. [turning to Thor with a wave of the hand] Hast informed your mother you have taken her finest dining room curtains?

Thor: Speak no ill of my mother.

Tony: Ah! A deceitful son who nevertheless pays lip tribute to his mother. Hope you to gain her favor by this defense, in light of your recent thievery?

Cap: Come now. Can we not speak of fairer things? Must the venom of bickering always plague us, or shall we, like honorable men, move beyond such trivial matters?

Tony: Trivial matters, you say? Do you presume to suggest, then, O perfect and law-abiding friend, that thievery is a trivial matter?

Thor [becoming angered]: Silence your ignorant tongue. You seek only to stir up a cause of injustice against me. I have not participated in said thievery, and by continuing your absurd assistance, you impugn my reputation.

Cap [raising hands]: Settle. Settle. Needless disputation is folly. We are allies, not schoolboys who find naught better to occupy their time than hurling insults.

Tony: Why then have we gathered? Fate has not steered us here, as a rudderless ship guided by the unwitting waves, for no purpose.

Cap: In truth, out meeting is timely indeed. I had hoped to fuel my heart in light of our present woe, but now I see ‘tis better to discuss the urgent matter of invaders threatening our home, and what’s to be done.

Thor [thumping hammer on palm]: There is not much to say on that score. Grind them into the dirt and make them pay dearly for menacing us in such an audacious manner.

Tony [with a mock frown]: Would that I could agree with your sentiment, but verily, it seems better to me to leave off speaking, lest the grouchy fellow with the painted shield cluck his tongue at me as a mother hen and herd me back to the pen of propriety.

Thor [looking at Cap]: Round and round we go. Who invited this knave to our consultation?

Tony: What is the feast without the wine?

Thor [scoffing]: Beware, lest my hammer happily find a place to lodge in your arrogant skull.

Cap: We have greater enemies to contend with and strategies to consider. Let us turn our attention to them.

[Enter Black Widow]

Black Widow [breathlessly]: Heed his advice, sirs. Word has reached me, of a force to be reckoned with, in numbers and weapons such as no eye has seen. Whereupon learning of this impending doom, I hastened to bring news. His most excellent personage, the Director, pleads for your presence forthwith.

Thor: What form did this force take? Otherworldly creatures?

Black Widow: Aye. Ugly and brutish as a cantankerous pig. Invaders from the stars, or so they have been dubbed.

Tony: A damnable lot, if any ever tread upon the face of this earth.

Cap: I pray you, sir, quell your tongue. Such foul speech befits no man, most especially in the presence of a lady.

Tony: I will quell nothing but the misplaced desire of aforementioned fiends to bring war upon us. Dearly they shall pay for their choice. I swear it.

Thor: The grim song of battle summons. Our appointed purpose draws nigh. [to Black Widow] Have the others assembled?

Black Widow: The muster call has gone forth, but I fear for the lives of the innocent. Time speeds on without delay.

Cap: So then must we, lest we find it passing us by to the demise of all. Our differences are set aside in favor of this nobler task to which we are called. Is this so? [raising eyebrow at Tony and Thor]

Tony: ‘Twas merely in jest that I spoke, my good fellow. No harm meant, no harm done.

Cap: It cheers my heart to see the sincerity of a more honorable character well up within you as bubbling springs ready to give life.

Black Widow: Time enough for honey-coated words later. Time presses and we must hasten back to the Director ere worry weighs down his shoulders. He cannot conceive a masterful plan with the tables and chairs for companions.

Thor: Wise words, my lady. Our deepest apologies for imposing on your well-intentioned haste. Lead us on. Battle awaits.

Cap: For this time we have waited. Let it not be said that in the day of darkness we snuffed the flame of hope by our petty actions or fearful retreat. As Thor said, lead on.

Tony [as the group begins to depart]: Afterward, if by our exceeding skill and cleverness, we win the day, what say we treat ourselves to a glass of mulled wine and a meal of exotic foods?

[All exit]

Did you enjoy this Shakespearean conversation, and would you like to see similar posts in the future? I’d love to hear your thoughts.