A new year has dawned, bright with possibility and brimming with potential.
Whether you hate them, love them, think they’re stupid, New Year’s resolutions lurk around every corner. The new year offers us a platter heaped with a serving of a fresh start. Resolutions abound:
- Reform our eating habits and exercise more
- Write as much as Brandon Sanderson (is that even possible?)
- Go on that one vacation we’ve always talked about
- Finish college
- Start college
- Develop relationships
- Begin working our dream job
- Finally watch Sherlock
What might happen if fictional characters, particularly those dwelling in the realms of sci-fi and fantasy, were similarly enthralled with the notion of making resolutions to guide them in the new year?
Being impossibly curious, I took to the streets of Fandom land, equipped with my trust waterproof writing pad and pencil. Behold, some of the best responses.
Tony Stark: Be a better person. The world needs more people like that, like me. Enough with the political games and psycho villains running rampant like greedy kids in a candy shop. Let’s make this year a year of authenticity, of caring about other people. Who’s with me?
I also think it would be great to start my own Iron Man product line. Graphic tees, those plastic Pop figures, posters, calendars, bookmarks, e-bookmarks (are those a thing?), desktop backgrounds, banners (not Bruce), custom motorcycles. The sky’s not the limit.
Oh, and one other thing. Eat more shawarma.
You’re welcome for the longest answer. I should put that in my bio somewhere…”Claim to fame: longest answer to a new year’s resolution question.”
The Flash: Avoid getting caught for speeding…
Hermione Granger: Read 672 books.
Reepicheep: Protect the weak, seek adventure, defend my honor and the honor of the great Aslan.
Batman: Do awesome things with Legos.
The 11th Doctor: Make common the practice of eating fish fingers and custard as a regular dinner meal. Campaign for a National Fez and Bowtie day. Also, convince writers to write more writerly things.
Puddleglum: I suppose I should attempt to be cheery and lighten up. But there’s really no point, is there? Best to expect the rain when it comes, rather than hope for sunshine and be disappointed.
Samwise: I want to look after people better and care for them. Expanding my garden and starting a new orchard would be right lovely. And more than anything, I want to love Rosie more fully.
Yoda: Proper grammar learn I will.
McCoy: I’ll be darned if I let Spock one-up me with his logical labyrinths. This is the year when I hold my own and stop letting that stupid Vulcan cause everyone to go wide-eyed in awe with his rationality.
Oliver Queen: I’m going to stop lying to my family and friends.
Pippin: Visit one new tavern every month and beat Merry in a drinking contest.
Westley: Find true love and also a priest who knows who to pronounce it correctly.
Shallan Davar: My resolution this year is to be more sarcastic, as if I don’t do that enough already.
Random Stormtrooper: Target practice. Target practice. Target practice.
Gollum: Punish the Baginses and the nassty fat hobbit. Claim the precious for our own. Eat all the fishesss we can.
Loki: Wouldn’t you like to know? I have plans, my friend. Just you wait.
Random Dalek: EXTERMINATE!
Bombur: Eat more. Exercise less. Gain weight. Enjoy the simple things in life. Enter a giant-cheese-block eating contest.
Thanos: Rule everything everywhere for all time, because that’s what I do.
Peter Quill: Blow things up, maybe steal some stuff, gallivant around the galaxy, blow more things up, save the day. You know, hero-type stuff. If I can avoid Yondu, that would be peachy.
Sherlock: I know I don’t belong in this list, but I don’t care for your petty ways and incessant squabbles. I’ll do things how I please.
Personally, I think resolutions are, unless I’m the one making them, a foolish waste of time. The human population struggles to implement their goals as much as it struggles to predict the weather. Why waste time and mental energy when both things are in such short supply?
My resolution is to do away with all these fanciful notions of keeping resolutions and preserve the cold, hard reality of life in the minds of lesser individuals.
What other character new year’s resolutions would you add? I’d love to hear your thoughts here or on social media.