Stories make fantastic teachers.

You know, because life is a labyrinth of trickiness and questions and random unicorns and just wondering how the heck do you make it.

Sorta like Frodo on his quest to Mount Doom.

But without the Ring. Or orcs. Or Sauron.

And stories to take the place of Sam (though let’s just admit Sam is completely, utterly irreplaceable).

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Not to discount our precious stories (never, Precioussss!!). They’re like little grenades packed full of awesome and wisdom and life tips begging to be released.

So…RELEASE THE SECRET WEAPON!

Pretty sure—in fact 100% sure—that’s a quote from somewhere. Where, however, is a debatable matter. Enough of that. On with the show.

10 Life Tips from Stories

Tip 1: If you’re dead, don’t worry, S.H.I.E.L.D. or some random Asian from the Arrowverse may resurrect you.

Talk about useful. That certainly takes the load off one’s mind.

Granted, it may not be the most comfortable experience. In fact, it may be as enjoyable as rolling through a field of cacti, but still preferable to the alternative.

You know the old saying, “Nothing’s certain in life but death and taxes?” Well now we’re just left with taxes.

Tip 2: Rules are made for everyone unless your name is Harry, Hermione, or Ron.

Yep, if your name is one of the three listed above, HAPPY MONDAY! You’re a fortunate favorite, chosen above all the other underlings who must suffer the fate of rules.

It’s also highly possible you’re a pirate. You know…because rules are really more like guidelines.

Bonus pro tip for the mere rule-following mortals: Makes friends with all the Harrys, Hermiones, and Rons you know. They’re useful.

Tip 3: If one or both of your parents are dead, you’re probably chosen, gifted, the hero the world needs, a teenager with a destiny brighter than a hundred stars, living in the middle of nowhere, or are all the above.

Note that these individuals exist on a regular basis, so the likelihood of actually being unique and special is rather low. Bummer, I know.

Look on the bright side. It’s a pretty snazzy job. Who else can get whisked away on adventures, chased, attacked, develop unparalleled skills, probably end up marrying the cutest girl or most handsome guy, and rescue everyone in the process?

Every job has its downsides, but those perks are hard to beat.

Tip 4: If someone tells you not to do something, do it anyway.

Okay, this is actually terrible advice. Like, really people?

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Don’t go into the dark creepy house alone!

But I wanna.

Stay out of danger.

*rushes headlong into danger*

Don’t hide things from me.

*keeps all the secrets ever*

Mostly people will be forgiving, but yeah. Maybe don’t try this one out at home?

Tip 5: Some things are bigger on the inside.

You know…blue police boxes. Wardrobes in certain rooms in certain houses in England (though not proven by science, so if you’re not in England fear not, you still have a chance). Stables that are in the world inside the wardrobe. Wait, what? 😮

Also, the stupidity of people who seem smart at first glance. And the hearts and courage of hobbits. And Dwarf appetites.

Tip 6: Wearing a red shirt is an awful idea.

As in, you’ll probably die. Which may not be too risky (see Tip 1). Still, best not to take chances.

Some exceptions to the rule:

• If your name is Harry, Hermione, or Ron, because rules don’t apply to them, remember?
• If you’re Scottish.
• If you’re a pirate.
• If you happen to be one of those destined-for-greatness people (see Tip 3).

Tip 7: Don’t trust any statue you ever see. EVER!

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Especially if it’s an angel statue. They can super tricksey, even more than hobbits and Gollum and the IRS.

If you happen to find yourself in the unfortunate situation where said statues are giving you trouble, never forget this piece of advice…

DON’T BLINK!

Tip 8: If you have a beard and smoke a pipe, you’re more likely than not a wizard.

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News flash. Get off the couch, stop eating cupcakes, and start recruiting all the individuals you don’t know and who really have no reason to listen to you. Use your charm and charisma to convince them to do all sorts of exotic and crazy things.

They’ll love you.

Promise.

Tip 9: Living in New York City is risky.

Because all the reasons.

• Aliens.
• Power-hungry gods.
• Green monsters who smash everything.
• All the crime that your friendly neighborhood Spiderman has to fight and in the process ends up shattering exactly 2,032 panes of glass.

Tip 10: Love is ridiculously complicated.

Love triangles, unrequited love, wavering love, fake love, twu wuv. In other words…can you feel the love tonight?

Not all love is created equal, and figuring out which one is which, and which person is which, can induce a month of headaches and dizziness.

And that doesn’t even include love tied to spells, enchantments, or curses. Even so, the trials and frustrations are worth it.

Why?

Because happily ever after.

LET’S TALK

⇒ What are some of the life tips you’ve learned from stories? I’d love to hear your thoughts here or on social media.