Magical Powers Gone Bad

Have you ever wished you could become invisible?

Or talk to animals?

Or snap your fingers to light a candle?

One of the coolest things about fantasy is the various magic systems and powers characters use. But what if said powers or abilities weren’t all that great?

That was the subject in yet another mysterious document I came across in the Archive. Turns out it’s a close cousin of the document cataloging unsuper superpowers, this time focusing on the realm of magic.

Magical Mayhem of Majestic Magnitude

Note: Names of those who volunteered the information have been deleted and replaced with subject numbers in order to protect their identity and mental stability.

Further note: These are all true accounts. Let the reader be warned.

Subject 1: Every time I sneeze, I start a tornado. Having a cold is the worst thing ever and no one wants me around.

Subject 2: Whenever I blink, any lights in the room flicker. I try to go to bed early, but sometimes, if I’m up, I’ll do Morse code and see if anyone notices.

Subject 3: I can heal lame mice…

Subject 4: Anything I touch turns to charcoal. Which is definitely worse than gold and excruciatingly difficult where eating is involved.

Subject 5: I can make my head invisible. And only my head. Sadly enough, I can’t control it, and it only happens when I see a stranger.


Subject 6: If I touch a tree, it starts dancing.

Subject 7: My power is awful. Terrible, I tell you. I can’t look into people’s eyes, because if I do, they forget everything that happened in the past year.

Subject 8: I can act like a normal person even if I’m asleep—eating, talking, moving. Problem is, everything seems like a dream when it’s happening. I’ve done some pretty embarrassing stuff.

Subject 9: Wherever I step on dirt, three mushrooms the size of a horse spring up behind me. A living trail telling exactly where I’ve been. I once made a forest in the middle of a field, which was actually kinda fun…until the farmer found out I had ruined his cornfield.

Subject 10: I make vegetables taste like old leather, but only when I look at them. I try to eat with my eyes closed, but sometimes I accidentally catch a glimpse of the vegetables someone else is eating. Watching their reactions is amusing and horrifying at the same time.

Subject 11: I burp rainbow bubbles.


Subject 12: Every time I sit down, I fall asleep for precisely seven minutes and forty-three seconds.

Subject 13: I have the worst affliction a man could suffer from. Every time I talk to a girl, I speak my sentences from end to beginning. Marriage seems as impossible as flying to the moon and every female I’ve encountered thinks I’m not right in the head.

Subject 14: My mere presence turns fountain pens into actual fountains that spurt ink.

Subject 15: My eyes act like a telescope. Whenever someone looks into them, they can see things behind me up to one hundred feet away.

Subject 16: Every time I touch someone, the contact creates a massive amount of friction and shoots out a miniature bolt of lightning.

Subject 17: If the wind is blowing into my face, I have the ability to suck it in and then shoot it out my fingertips. Sounds cool, but the catch is that it’s almost impossible to control, and unless I shoot it out of both hands at once, I send myself flailing out of control.

Subject 18: If I’m mad, the hair on my arms becomes as hard and sharp as needles and shoots out at the offending person or object.


Subject 19: Anytime I’m outdoors, I burst into uncontrollable song that only stops when I go back inside. Fantastic, right? Yeah, not so much. I have no control over which songs I sing…

Subject 20: I can make houses fly. It’s completely random, and always happens when I’m walking past them. But there’s no rhyme or reason to which ones fly away and which ones stay grounded.

If you had a skill of magical mayhem, what would it be? I’d love to hear your thoughts here or on social media.


Magical Powers Gone Bad — 4 Comments

    • That would be fun to read about. Or even a whole bunch of characters who struggle with unhelpful powers, and how that affects the story instead of a bunch of characters with cool powers.

  1. Hahaha, these are hilarious! XD

    I would probably say number 2 would be the most frustrating. But I wouldn’t mind number 15 too badly. 🙂

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